How to be the Bachelor/Bachelorette in the normal dating worldPosted: June 22, 2011
I am not ashamed to admit that I love to watch ABC’s The Bachelor / Bachelorette. I get all into it. I discuss it with my friends, make my top picks, etc. Don’t hate on me… it’s no different from Fantasy Football, really.
While watching the show with my sister-in-law on her recent visit to Italy, she had one of the funniest, most brilliant ideas I’ve heard in a long time. She’s single, and she suggested that she might start taking a rose on her dates. Tell me you didn’t just laugh out loud. It’s genius!
See, on the show’s dates, there is always a rose sitting on the table as a reminder that you better make a good impression or you could be sent home at any time. On the positive note, if the date is going well, the Bachelor/Bachelorette could give you the rose at any moment to take the pressure off of you for that night, and on through the official rose ceremony. That flower holds the key to your destiny, one way or the other.
In real life (because I’m not sure reality TV should actually be counted as real life), a rose might just be the key to date management.
We’ve all been on dates before where we either a) wanted a way out, or b) wanted to properly express how much we were enjoying ourselves, but couldn’t find the appropriate non-cheesy/awkward words to use. A rose would solve both dilemmas, as well as scenarios that fall between.
Examples of rose inclusion in two date scenarios:
Scenario 1: Bob is boring/vulgar/rocking weird facial hair/drunk/stinky/asleep/wearing a wife-beater/adjusting himself far too frequently/on his cellphone/way too deep/way too shallow/hitting on the waitress/calling you by the wrong name.
Bachelorette Rose to the rescue: You say, “Bob, if that is really your name, I’m sure you’ve noticed this rose sitting on the table. It’s not here for decoration. I had hoped to feel a connection and present it to you as token of my “like,” but as I do not feel we have a future together, I’m going to have to take my rose and leave. Best of luck to you, and thank you for coming.”
Scenario 2: Jason is hot/smart/charming/intellectual/funny/ambitious/considerate/obviously a flosser/an excellent orderer/Mr. Right/prince charming/going to get very lucky in the not so far off future.
Bachelorette Rose to the rescue: You say, “Jason, I’m sure you’ve noticed this rose sitting on the table. I brought it hoping things would go well and we could move from “like” to “like-liking” each other. I certainly feel my “like” multiplying as our eyes alternate shooting sparks across the table at each other. Why don’t we put this flower in water and see if it will continue to bloom.”
I hope you try taking a rose with you on your next date and report back. Also, I think Ashley should keep Mickey around for eye-candy, but end up with JP. Happily ever after is serious business.