Dreams for my baby; dreams for me


I’ve seen a lot of opinions out there about devoting yourself wholly to your baby – attachment parenting, if you will – and I’d like to weigh in.

I am in complete agreement that, as parents, it’s our job to make sacrifices for our children as needed. However, I don’t think this means you should live only for your child, with him/her/them as your only priority. I don’t believe life as I knew it before is over now that I’m a mom; quite to the contrary, actually.

When I look at my son, I’m overwhelmed with hope for him and all of his potential. Just think of all he’ll do and become! At these (frequent) moments, I imagine my parents looking at me and thinking the same lovely thoughts.

I know my parents are proud of me and what I’ve accomplished up to now, and they will continue to be proud of me no matter what I choose to do with the rest of my life. I don’t have to build a legacy or cure cancer to make them happy. Having said that, I’m only 33 years old, and I’m still a young woman with lots of ambition and potential.

The needs of my family will always come first for me, and one of those needs is for me to be the best me I can be. My son will benefit from my growth, and I believe I can grow me without taking anything away from him.

What’s more? This is how I want him to feel one day when he’s a parent. I want him to see that it’s possible, and necessary, to strike a balance between chasing his own dreams, and helping his children achieve their own. The best way for me to team him, is by example. I owe it to my son to chase after my dreams.

 

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3 Comments on “Dreams for my baby; dreams for me”

  1. caringdoula says:

    Living ONLY for your child? That is not what Attachment Parenting really is. It is simply meeting your baby’s needs according to that specific baby, and every baby is different as well as every family. It is doing what is best for your baby and for your family and yourself. I am curious where you got your information from?

    “Attachment parenting is a style of caring for your infant that brings out the best in the baby and the best in the parents. Attachment parenting implies first opening your mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby, and eventually you will develop the wisdom on how to make on-the-spot decisions on what works best for both you and your baby.” From askdrsears.com

    Many parents use attachment parenting without realizing it because it is so simple and natural, For some reason attachment parenting has this twisted reputation that AP parents become slaves to our babies and this is not true at all.

    • The article in Times last year painted a much more specific picture – less about wisdom, more about leaving everything up to baby and being completely on-demand, and I also think many moms give themselves a hard time for still wanting to work, etc. We moms beat ourselves up so much thinking that we’re never doing enough. I agree that it’s all parent and baby specific!

      • Right or wrong, I think many parents perceive that Attachment Parenting is, among other things, devoting themselves to being there for their children to the point of ignoring their own needs. A lot of parents, mostly moms, feel guilty about returning to work, spending money on themselves, and ESPECIALLY taking time out for themselves without the kids… even just taking a long soak in the bath can cause guilt.

        Meeting the needs of everyone – Baby, Mom, Dad, Siblings – is the only way to a happy family. I especially like your comments about hoping to teach your son how to “strike a balance between chasing his own dreams, and helping his children achieve their own”.

        Well said!!


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