When I’m working on a project, I have a one-track mind. I’m efficient, but oblivious. When it’s multiple projects, turns out I’m a multi-tasker with her priorities out of whack.
We’ve had a pretty wild few weeks.
We moved to Tennessee from Hawaii, our senior dog (my fur baby of almost 12 years) passed away in transit, I’m in my 3rd trimester with baby #2, we found and put in an offer on house, and we kicked off festivities for my sister’s wedding later this year.
Aside from the tragic event of my sweet Mason passing, everything has been exciting and happily endured, but I have a head that just won’t turn off. If I can overthink it, I will, and if you think it’s something I can’t or shouldn’t overthink, I’ll prove you wrong, just give me a minute to overthink how. Amazingly, I miss the little things while using all that brain power.
That thing I missed #1…my husband
My husband has been amazing through all the chaos. He’s stepped up as I’ve slowed down. He’s been doing more than half the share of parenting, packing, cleaning, house management, endless home buying research, calls, forms, etcetera. He even let me fly first class while he sat in coach with Aidan on our flights. Selfishly, my initial thinking was that I deserved the special help and attention because I was doing all the same stuff – while growing a baby.
It took being away from him for a night for me to realize I’d been unfair. I’d been forgetting to love him. I’d been saying I loved him, but I hadn’t really been loving and appreciating him the way I should have been; the way he deserves. The good news is realization was the first and only step to full repair mode. I came home, confessed my mistake,
blamed it on the baby siphoning my brain and laid on the compliments, affection and attention.
All was right again in the world until… my toddler pushed and swatted at his baby cousin. We were appalled!
We promptly blamed the daycare. Our first instinct was to enact punishment. We told him it was wrong to hit, push, etc., tried time-outs, reinforced sharing and gentle-touch… all to no avail. Our sweet, happy boy was suddenly acting out unpredictably.
That thing I missed #2…my son
It’s easy to miss a child under stress when they can’t verbalize it to you. We’d spent the previous weeks changing locations constantly, going from having a pet to not, leaving the only home he’d ever known, and taking every opportunity to pass our little boy off to friends and family so we could take care of business. Never did we sit down and talk to Aidan about all that was happening, we just toted him along assuming that it would all be over his head and therefore not worth mentioning.
Our little guy had his world rocked, and we put him in time-out. It seriously hurts my heart just to type that.
Thankfully, children are resilient, and I have no memories of anything before the age of 5.
A couple days of talking and explaining (respectfully, as though to an adult), loving him up, making sure he knew we were right there with him, he was safe, loved, and a priority, and we have our happy, sweet, affectionate boy back. He’d been so flexible changing time zones, fighting off a virus, being a trooper in planes and on long car rides, we’d forgotten his needs during what must be a really confusing time for him.
I’m so blessed to have such adaptable, understanding men (big and small) in my life. Sometimes they’re so good at being awesome it goes right over my head. I’ve come to accept and expect it. I get busy and selfish and forget that, without them, there’d be nothing for me to be awesomely busy about.
For all the things I convince myself are important, things that I allow to consume me, the only thing that really matters at the end of each day is who I am to them. It’s the one-track I need to stay on.
Hi, my name is Katie, and my first instinct is to be selfish.
There. I said it. In every situation, the first person I think about is me.
How do I feel? How does this affect me? What do I want? What will I get out of this?
I prioritize me first because I only experience things as me. I know what I want, so it’s easiest to work with my wants, needs and desires.
The trouble with prioritizing me is that I’m really the only me, so I’m not making a very large impact on the population as a whole. I’m only half of my marriage, a daughter to two people, a sister to one person, a mom to one dog, etc.
What’s more? Hindsight always leaves me wishing I’d prioritized other people and their needs and feelings more than my own. And, since I’m selfish, I hate feeling disappointed!
It turns out that, in order to take care of me – numero uno – I have to take care of everyone else first. Go figure.